Dear Older, Wiser, More-Seasoned Mothers,
I have noticed you observing me for several weeks with something akin to disapproval in your eyes. Yes, I am young. Yes, she is mine. Yes, I am expecting a second. Yes, I am happily married. And no, I wouldn't change a thing.
Please think twice before offering advice, criticism or reminisces of your own younger motherhood days. Remember that I am learning. I am your apprentice. Know that there is nothing in this whole world that I want to succeed at more than being a good mother to my children. Therefore, critcism, eyebrow raising or heavy sighs of any kind cut deeply. Be careful in your approach.
It is not encouraging, nor helpful to me to hear you criticise my scheduling by saying, "When you have a second baby you will not be able to be so rigid." For now, I have one child. This schedule suits us beautifully...but thank you. And no, I do not let my toddler watch TV everyday. Yes, I do understand that everyone else does and it will not hurt her, but I choose to do otherwise. Please don't push me. I would rather bake cookies with her or color...but thank you. Again, reminding me that when the second one comes along it will be different, is not very reassuring. I understand that you feel that anything Montessori is rather strange or simply a trend, please let me assess that situation for myself. If I am interested in it, encourage me to research it more thoroughly...and know that if I want your honest opinion, I will ask. Speak carefully of discipline, sleep arrangements, the spacing of children and family relationships. These are issues I am figuring out as I go along. I understand that some people feel strongly that the family bed is the only way to go, while for others, a parent's bed is never to be touched by a child because it is their only private space. Please let me choose which way will work best for my family. And if my opinion is somewhere in the middle, do not discredit me as being unable to decide...I am learning and feeling my way through this as best as possible.
If you disagree with me, please think for a moment on your own earlier mommy mistakes or things you wish you had done differently, and give me a smile. I will learn as you did. When I have a question, I will come to you. I know you are wise and I will ask. Until then, greet me warmly and lovingly and remember when you were only beginning. I know my mommy style will change and evolve, but for now, we three (soon to be four) are so happy. I am sure you can see that on my daughter's face and if you ask her, she will be very glad to tell you. I love discussing parenting, it is a topic dear to my heart, but please listen with an open heart and I promise to do the same. I love being a mommy and I long to discuss that love with others who feel the same. Do not shut me out simply because I am young.
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely
A Mommy-in-training
I have noticed you observing me for several weeks with something akin to disapproval in your eyes. Yes, I am young. Yes, she is mine. Yes, I am expecting a second. Yes, I am happily married. And no, I wouldn't change a thing.
Please think twice before offering advice, criticism or reminisces of your own younger motherhood days. Remember that I am learning. I am your apprentice. Know that there is nothing in this whole world that I want to succeed at more than being a good mother to my children. Therefore, critcism, eyebrow raising or heavy sighs of any kind cut deeply. Be careful in your approach.
It is not encouraging, nor helpful to me to hear you criticise my scheduling by saying, "When you have a second baby you will not be able to be so rigid." For now, I have one child. This schedule suits us beautifully...but thank you. And no, I do not let my toddler watch TV everyday. Yes, I do understand that everyone else does and it will not hurt her, but I choose to do otherwise. Please don't push me. I would rather bake cookies with her or color...but thank you. Again, reminding me that when the second one comes along it will be different, is not very reassuring. I understand that you feel that anything Montessori is rather strange or simply a trend, please let me assess that situation for myself. If I am interested in it, encourage me to research it more thoroughly...and know that if I want your honest opinion, I will ask. Speak carefully of discipline, sleep arrangements, the spacing of children and family relationships. These are issues I am figuring out as I go along. I understand that some people feel strongly that the family bed is the only way to go, while for others, a parent's bed is never to be touched by a child because it is their only private space. Please let me choose which way will work best for my family. And if my opinion is somewhere in the middle, do not discredit me as being unable to decide...I am learning and feeling my way through this as best as possible.
If you disagree with me, please think for a moment on your own earlier mommy mistakes or things you wish you had done differently, and give me a smile. I will learn as you did. When I have a question, I will come to you. I know you are wise and I will ask. Until then, greet me warmly and lovingly and remember when you were only beginning. I know my mommy style will change and evolve, but for now, we three (soon to be four) are so happy. I am sure you can see that on my daughter's face and if you ask her, she will be very glad to tell you. I love discussing parenting, it is a topic dear to my heart, but please listen with an open heart and I promise to do the same. I love being a mommy and I long to discuss that love with others who feel the same. Do not shut me out simply because I am young.
Thank you for listening.
Sincerely
A Mommy-in-training
9 comments:
Amen, sister! :) Thanks for sharing this - I might need to quote you sometime. :)
Here's a kiss for you:
*Kiss*
I love you!
And the picture is beautiful! Where did you get it?
Thanks guys! I thought you would understand :) The picture was on our computer, I wish I knew what collection it is. I will do some research, because there are several more like it, and they are all beautiful.
Wow! Well said. I wrote on a similar topic when pregnant with Grace. I think you are doing a beautiful job and really admire all you do with Rose :)
Word to your Mother Mary! I think I might have to copy your blog and send it to some people (probably my family). I think I would love to know what lit the little Jessica Meza fire inside you! I see you as wise beyond your years friend! I would love to see a recent picture of you prego!
Mama Cass
LOL, good one! The "Jessica Meza fire" is a wonderful thing to see! :) :)
LOL!!! That fire gets me in trouble. Pregnancy hormones don't help either. :)
Jessica, you are so funny (when it is not me!:) when you are angry! The blog is a perfect place to air this kind of thing, because it lets you get it out and you get encourgament along with it! Good thing to or I am sure that one of those "experienced" moms would have really gotten it :) and as usual when it is something you have thought over a lot it is a perfectly logical argument with all the ducks in a row!! :) Hey those pregnancy hormones might not be such a bad thing, perhaps one of those moms could have used a good reminder that any step in life is a learning process! at least for most of us! and as long as there is no danger of death, they should be encouraging and give space, offering gentle advice when asked! I love you Jess! you are such a crusader for truth and Justice!! :)
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