Defiance

I realize that this is a rather obvious statement, but I am daily coming to the conclusion that there are those people in my life whom I will NEVER please. I will never wear the right thing, say the right thing, come at the right time, I will always be too rigid, too strict with my children, I never listen enough, nor do I talk enough. In short, I have come to the conclusion that it is not what I do, it is me, myself that will never be good enough for these people/or this person.

As sad as that may sound, it is actually extremely freeing. I no longer have to try...I will no longer try. I am going to be myself. I will be who I am, the person who my husband is proud of and whom my children love. I will wear, do and say the things that are true to myself. I have been trying to be someone else in my efforts to be this evasive "perfect person" and you know what, I am not perfect.

This is not to say that I am not trying to better myself. Daily, I strive to overcome my faults and challenge myself both physically and intellectually. But I need to strive for the perfection God is calling me to and focus on that, as opposed to stressing about what these people/or person is going to think. I feel like I have wasted an inordinate amount of precious time and energy trying to be someone who is not me and who is not gaining in virtue.

So, I hereby announce that I am finished with this charade. (I sound much braver right now that what I will actually be in real life, but oh well! :) ) I will live how I know I am being called to live and be the person God asks me to be (by His grace). I will passionately adore my husband and love my children with wild abandon. I will be proud of my upbringing. I will not apologize for the things that made me who I am today and I will not pretend to wish it were otherwise. I will always try to be respectful, but I will also respectfully request that I be allowed to be happy in myself and my family.