Trust

Please excuse this silence once again. We are in the process of moving, and I am in the process of processing that we are moving. Does that make sense?

We have moved out of our apartment, our little home for these past two years, and myself and the children are staying with my family for the next three weeks. We had an offer in on a beautiful little three bedroom home that we were supposed to move into last weekend. Long story short, the deal fell through and we are going to be moving to a new apartment.

I find myself now, struggling with trust and trying to lay my heart open to what God wants to teach me during this time. It is so difficult to feel so displaced with your children. I want so much to make a home for them. I continue to feel twinges of sadness as I think about what my plans had been and trying to make new, hopeful and happy plans.

I had wanted a garden. I had picked out paint colors for the children's rooms. I had imagined a special area set aside for Samuel, with a mobile and a mirror. A place where he could quietly make new discoveries in this special stage of his little life. There was a place in my kitchen to set up Rose Marie's kitchen and work table, so we could work side by side. There was a yard for endless hours of outdoor play and even greater discoveries.

I am so struggling with handing over these dreams! I am tired of living out of a suitcase (it will be over a month by the time we move into the apartment!) I miss my husband more than anything in the world, and so do his children. We all feel lost and not ourselves. And many days, I just don't know how to make it better.

But, I know we will be together and this is only temporary. My dreams will change and mold to suit the needs of my family. And I will learn to let go of the past and rejoice in our new beginning. For now, I am wading through sadness and a bit of disappointment. Please be patient with me while I work my way through this.